Five characters on TV I wish I hadn’t watched last week

1. Camryn Manheim playing the worst role of her career on Criminal Minds. What happened to that whole praying-mantis-girlfriend thing? Wherefrom sprang Mama Horrible?

2. Alexis‘s papaya-steak boyfriend. Are things so bad, Castle scriptwriters, that you had to steal Canvas from Anger Management?

3. The Mother. Seriously, people, the person Ted has been waiting to meet for eight seasons is Brunette Lily?

4. The kid who got shot in Uganda so that Maggie could change her hairstyle and have one-night stands and become a Serious Reporter.

5. Kelty. Why, MasterChef, why?

Five shows on TV that I’m not watching right now and feel very upset about

1. Castle, wherein Castle still has a writing career, and Beckett still cares about the fact that her mother’s killer continues to remain on the loose.

2. Bones, wherein Zack re-invokes Gormogon to dispose of Pelant so that everyone can get back to regular programming.

3. Suits, wherein Jessica returns her current wardrobe to the Ladies’ Knitting and Tatting Society and fires Rachel for spending company time in writing college applications.

4. New Girl, wherein Nick gets a haircut and some new clothes and begins to look like the Nick-lookalike from Betrayal.

5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.